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请老师帮忙批改一下这篇雅思作文，如果可以的话，给点详细的评语还有大概可以打多少分可以么？谢谢！！！
Whether Young People Should Be in Important Positions in the Government.(discuss both side of views and give your own ideas.)
In contemporary society, there are an increasing number of young people who hold significant positions in the governments, which has aroused heated discussion on whether it is justifiable for the young to play such an important role in this crucial area. Before presenting my views, I’d like to explore this issue from both sides.
On one hand, the opponents of this practice claim that the young are too immature and spontaneous to shoulder the responsibility as public servants. They may make devastating mistakes when dealing with the public affairs due to inadequate experience. Besides, being sequacious and lack of will power, they are more likely to make unwise decisions and even resort to crimes when exposed to temptations or other negative influence, which is clearly not in the public interest.
However, on the other hand, there are also numerous people who think highly of such practice, claiming that it may contribute to the general welfare of the whole society. The main reason is that the young are better equipped with latest knowledge and technologies than their older counterparts, thus work more efficiently.
As far as I’m concerned, employing young people in some crucial government positions does more good than harm. First of all, the undesirable consequences that are mentioned by the opponents can be eliminated by well-organized choosing procedure and preliminary training. Secondly, although they may not be sufficient concerning experience, it does not necessarily mean that they are not competent in abilities. The novel ideas they have can be quite contributing and can largely make up for being inexperienced. Thirdly, in the long run, offering positions to the young in authorities can also serve as a proper stimulation for the older staffs to keep abreast with the updating knowledge and to work more diligently.
From what have been discussed above, we can safely arrive at the conclusion that it’s generally advantageous to place young people in vital positions in the governments. |
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